Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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