watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
