I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
