Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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