im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I could make wine with my vomit
so let's talk penis.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
