Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
only if we run a train.
done.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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