if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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