They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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