Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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