Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
