were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
