She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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