Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
