can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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