I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
