I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
