nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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