He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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