Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
