I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
