I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
