I heard we made out
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
