someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
