dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
