I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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