I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
