people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
