I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
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Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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