i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
