so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
