Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I woke up under a house in Key West
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
