I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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