perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
