I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
