am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
