this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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