gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
