summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
