new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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