We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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