My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
