guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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