I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
