Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
