my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
