Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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