so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
