Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
