Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
