i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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