She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
In other news, I just burned my penis
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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