Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
