i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
