can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
