don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
