omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
