I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
