i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
