Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
