Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
