dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
