did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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