I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
