Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
