My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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