Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
