Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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