if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
